listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
