Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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