i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
