dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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