The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
this hospital has no fireball
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
