I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
