I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
