Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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