who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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