i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
She needs sedatives and a leash
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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