Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
