Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
