I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
