i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
