you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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