Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
