i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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