I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
