Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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