He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
