Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
