I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
