i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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