Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
