We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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