Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
