Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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