we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
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