He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
