in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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