So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
