Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
