I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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