First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
