Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
