so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Everything about him screamed your future.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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