and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
