I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
