I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
