get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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