The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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