too bad you live with your parents still
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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