i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
