he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
not ubering you a puppy
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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