y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
