I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
