called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
How does one acquire holy water?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
