guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
