Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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