um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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