Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
