I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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