I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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