You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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