Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
