I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
In America we eat man semen.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
