I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
