Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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