How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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