I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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